Mr Red & Blue
by PinkyGuilfoile
Summary: 5-6 years of dull marriage took a turn upon discovering they were each other's enemies in a life of assassin professions. AKAKURO! Parody of Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005 action movie) Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay a bit of reminders is that this will be extremely confusing because it's a parody of the 2005 movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith as they are cut out scenes. So I apologize if it will not make sense -_- Also warning for OOC-ness**

0.

The air of the room was awkward and cold as the two couples placed a distance between them, not seating in the loveseat. The counselor sighed, as to have deal with this more than a few times. The Akashi couple however is now bickering on the number of years they have been married.

The teal head stated that it was 6 while the other 5. Few minutes had passed and they now 'truced' and settled with 5-6 years of dull marriage.

"Moving on, at the scale of one to ten, how happy are you in this marriage?" says the counselor.

_"_Eight." Akashi Tetsuya says a bit too fast.

**"**Wait, is ten perfectly happy or...?" the other one, Akashi Seijuro eyed his wife suspiciously.

**"**Just respond instinctively." The counsellor says patiently.

They looked at each other and with a nod they answered "Eight."

The reasons? Not the fact they couldn't get along or the fact sex just got boring. It was the fact they had their own secrets.

1.

What. The. Actual. Hell.

Heterochromatic eyes of gold and ruby widened in shock. The truth was standing right before him, or perhaps he knew already the truth when he saw those rare light teal locks that shot him during his previous failed mission, yet refused to accept it. This fiend whom he was told to kill to not leave any eye witness to during his mission to kill the 'Spider Flower' was none other than his… wife.

_Address: Seirin Corporation, Tokyo _

_Room 11/15: Akashi Tetsuya_

2.

The teal head rushed home to prepare dinner; doing his best to be civilized after finding out his husband was the 'bitch' who sabotaged his last mission to assassinate this one Hanamiya Makoto. And Akashi Tetsuya does not curse unless it's a SERIOUS matter. After Kagami Taiga, his partner, had screened the last footage of his newest target; he could not help but be shocked. There was no mistaking the fire-kissed red hair and heterochromatic eyes.

In the house; he prepared his husband's favorite tofu soup with extra onion flavoring. They shared casualties when the said red head arrived, though fidgety and conscious at each other's movements. He even caught Seijuro hiding the bread knife under his sleeve.

More suspiciously was the redhead serving him wine. That was until the bottle 'slipped' from his fingers and out of impulse and reflex; Tetsuya caught it. Both pair of eyes widened and Tetsuya immediately drop it, as if reverting back to clumsiness.

"I'll go get a towel."

"I'll get the broom."

This confirmed everything.

No once came back to the dining table with those promises; only a certain teal head in his Mercedes driving for his life while his red head husband chased him with a gun, asking him to calm down and listen. Of course; that resulted with Tetsuya running over him and Seijuro shooting bullets at his favorite car.

3.

"You don't love him, right?" says Taiga; giving his friend his favorite vanilla shake to calm him down. Tetsuya however, was still lost in daze. He just found out that his loving husband of 6 years dull marriage is Seirin Co.'s rival, Rakuzan's agent.

"No." he answered, trying to be stoic.

"Then it won't be difficult to kill him."

4.

Seijuro was pissed beyond hell upon coming back to their house (with back-ups) only to see that each and every last guns and blades his secret compartment possessed was GONE. He kicked the leaves and cursed profanities, ignoring the strange looks the neighborhood kids were giving him.

"Sei-chan," Mibuchi Reo tried to calm the enraged emperor down but to no avail, they were already trembling at their feet for the killer aura being emitted by Seijuro. "We're going to the Seirin" he announced. "Time to visit my _loving_ wife."

5.

The meeting of the husband and wife after discovering each other's identity was harder than it seemed. To Seijuro, he has heard of the Phantom agent who managed to trick his targets many times to kill each other or as he had heard from Reo that he also seduces his enemies before giving them a harsh death. It made his cringed to know there's another wild side of his Tetsuya… well aside from bed. But that was like, 5 years ago to him.

To Tetsuya, it wasn't surprising to know that his husband was the so-called Emperor who brings each and every enemy to their knees, exclude him in bed, but that was 6 years ago in marriage. But to know he is the enemy and the one assigned for him to kill made him feel… empty.

"Kuroko!" great, now everyone is addressing him back to his maiden name. "He's here!"

Aquamarine eyes widened in shock.

"Tetsuya, how rare it is to see you… like this." Says Seijuro after hacking the computer system of Seirin. His words were smooth and suave, but Tetsuya knew better, he was pissed.

"Hello Sei-kun." He replied back. "I could say the same. But foolish are you to enter enemy's territory. You disappoint me for someone called the ever so calculating Emperor."

Seijuro chuckled. "Don't be disappointed love; the bombs planted at every floor are still here. Now once I press this button, you all disappear."

"You bit-"

"Careful, Tetsuya. I can push the button any time I like."

"Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map." He retorted but became serious the next moment.

It was music to his ears how Tetsuya's voice became commanding, giving orders to evacuate and just in time; he showed himself to his wife who was about to jump off the building with a bungee rope.

There he was in his spy gear of sky blue and white with Rakuzan's emblem proudly attached to his left arm while Tetsuya was in Seirin's red, white and black suit, beautifully etched and designed. Seijuro could've easily cut him with his blade but… he hesitated. This gave Tetsuya the chance to jump and escape.

"Chicken shit!" Seijuro yelled at Tetsuya's retreating figure onto the next building.

"Pussy!" Tetsuya yelled back.

Both companies were now scared as they have known the Akashi couple barely curse unless it was DEADLY important.

6.

This was the very proof that they weren't going to hesitate to kill each other. Seijuro had tested his wife and locked himself in Rakuzan Co.'s elevator where he calculated that Seirin had placed bombs in it. Tetsuya of coursed, had already hacked it and was… threatening him?

**"**Promise me to leave the town or I will blow it." He says in a cold, stoic voice.

But Seijuro wanted to test him more.** "**Ok... I give up. Please blow it."

"Excuse me. What?"

**"**Go on. Blow it."

**"**You think I won't?" If it's one thing that Seijuro knows not to do is to push Tetsuya's button. But now in the fields of profession whereas they are both renowned assassins, he was enjoying this.

**"**I think you won't." he says confidently.

**"**OK. Five. Four. Any last words?" Tetsuya deep in his heart was hesitating.

**"**Your new curtains are hideous." Smirked Seijuro, bringing up last week's topic.

**"**Goodbye Sei-kun."

A huge explosion from the building was heard and panicked surged from Tetsuya's insides, immediately feeling regrets and remorse. "What the hell is this?!" his eyes glared at the person who pressed the bomb's button.

"You said Goodbye." Says Taiga hesitantly. Without a moment to waste, Tetsuya stormed off the van. A small tear escaping his left eye.

To Seijuro in another elevator room where he hid, was beyond shock… and hurt. Gone was the Tetsuya whom he loved the most, he was now facing the Phantom assassin.

7.

Kuroko Tetsuya was sitting alone in a classic restaurant table, wearing an exquisite black suit and white tie. His eyes were swollen and the silent tears rolled slowly from time to time. That was until he felt warm hands touching his as his glass was filled with champagne. He smiled knowing who this belonged to. There was no mistaking it after all.

"May I join you?" his suave voice whispered into the teal head's ear. Tetsuya chuckled and nodded.

"You're still alive." He says, now facing his supposed to be dead husband.

"But of course. No cheap devices from Seirin are enough to kill me." He retorted, removing his white coat.

"Champagne, sir?" a waiter interrupts.

"Oh no, I don't feel like celebrating."

"I'm mourning."

They both answered at the same time. The deadly aura however did not stop there as when the two males got on the dance floor, smashing each other's hand and crushing them into hard wall pillar whilst removing whatever weapons were hidden at underneath each other's clothes.

But of course, they were classy bringing up casualties each and every while. Reminiscing horrible memories of each other.

"I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning." Says Seijuro before dipping Tetsuya gracefully on the dance floor. The teal head got back on his feet, whispered in a sultry voice "Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."

Not long after, Tetsuya had bombed the place to escape and Seijuro went after him. Soon turned into a car chase back to the Akashi household.

8.

"Come on, do it!" yelled Tetsuya, all bloodied and bruised.

This was the point of no return; their house was destroyed and all furniture were torn and broken by the shoot out the couple had made after returning home. Their clothes were torn; leaving Tetsuya in a white dress shirt stained with blood and slacks with holes at the ends. Seijuro was no different but only topless.

After an hour of hide and seek, clashing of swords, gun shots and beating the crap out of each other with fists; they resulted face to face with gun and swords at each other's throat.

Seijuro gazed unto those aquamarine eyes translucent by the moonlight and found himself… mesmerized again. He bought his swords down and clashed his lips unto the smaller boy. Tetsuya was in no position to resist as he found his hands snaking up to Seijuro's neck and deepened the kiss.

It was the most rough and pleasurable love-making they had ever done; Tetsuya harshly crushed at pillars behind him while he claws the back of his lover, whispering and moaning Seijuro's name. The redhead took him on almost all the furniture half alive and still usable, at the same time careful not to inflict anymore injuries.

They were interrupted however with the neighbor coming over to ask what had happened as they have heard 'strange noises' coming from all sides of the house.

"We just moved around some things." They both answered, but the blanket wrapped around Seijuro's waist and the long dress shirt Tetsuya wore (not making an effort to cover up the love bites) says so otherwise.

But the morning of them rekindling their relationship was soon interrupted by smoke bombs and assassins from their employers attacking them.

9.

"I never told you, but I was married once before." Tetsuya harshly slammed on the breaks, looking more pissed than ever.

"Ow! Are you insane? What's wrong with you!?" Seijuro complained before shooting the incoming car. They had managed to escape the house but they were still followed by 3 black cars.

Tetsuya, out of character, childishly hit Seijuro multiple times before getting back on the wheels.

"You're what's wrong with me!"

**"**It was a drunken Vegas thing!" the read head complained.

Aquamarine eyes rolled.** "**Oh, that's better! That's _much_ better! What's her name and social security number?

**"**No, you're _not_ gonna kill _him_." Seijuro deadpanned before shooting out more. He signaled the car to go faster as the other had exploded. Only one more to go.

Him, huh? Well, two can play at that game.

"Sei-kun, I have no parents. I was orphaned at 5."

"What?! Who was that man who escorted you at the altar?!"

"Paid actor."

Out of rage, Seijuro awakened emperor's eye and shot the driver right in the head even though the glass was clearly bullet proof. They now drive in a normal pace, quiet ensued save for the awkwardness of finding out things more shocking than their agent identities.

"We will have to redo each and every conversation." Blurted out Seijuro.

"Agreed." Tetsuya nodded.

10.

"You both are so STUPID. Don't you see, I'm the bait! The whole mission was the two of you to begin with. They knew you were married and the heat going on between Rakuzan and Seirin was bad for business. Definitely stupi-!"

He was cut off with punch from Tetsuya.

The Akashi couple were beyond pissed and betrayed. Mayuzumi Chihiro had advised Seijuro that the only way to stop the feud was to give the both the corperations something they both want than them; Hanamiya Makoto, A.K.A 'Spider Flower' and Taiga gave them the location. They had worked together and bickered about their fighting styles as Seijuro relies on his insticts whilst Tetsuya fights by blending in the shadows. Never less, they got their target and had locked themselves in a motel room, only to find out… about this.

Fortunately, Seijuro had noticed the tracking device on their target's waist and had run off with a new plan.

**"**You deviated from the plan." Tetsuya blurted out as they drive slowly, blending in Tokyo's crowd.

**"**The plan was flawed." Sighed Seijuro, not glancing at his wife.

Tetsuya persisted.** "**The plan was not flawed."

**"**Anal."

**"**Organized."

"Tetsuya, 90% of this job is instinct."

**"**Well, your instinct set off every alarm of the building." The teal head retorted.

**"**My instinct got the job done. It may not have been Tetsuya Show...

Tetsuya shot up and glared at him. "No! It was Sei-kun Show. It was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.

Heterochromatic eyes glared back.** "**Your fake mother's birthday present."

**"**The point is, you are always the first to break team."

**"**You don't want a team. You want a servant to hire." Now the tables have turned.

**"**I want someone I can count on." Seijuro knew too well where Tetsuya is going at. But if they were going to bring up their marriage on this…

He sighed heavily.** "**Tetsuya, there is no air around you anymore."

**"**Oh, what is that supposed to mean?"

"That means there is no room for mistakes, whatsoever. No mistakes. No spontaneity. Who can answer that?"

**"**Well, you don't have to. Because this is not even a real marriage!"

There was brief silence over the two and Tetsuya turned his gaze over the window. Seijuro sighed, as much as he wanted to get this over with, the teal head was his wife. No 5 years of dull marriage was changing that. His hands sneaked up to Tetsuya's and laced their fingers together; eminently showing gold and silver rings with opposite gems attached to it.

To Tetsuya; a golden ring with a huge case of ruby stone and engravement 'Forever mine- Akashi Seijuro'

To Seijuro; a silver ring with sapphire designed in the middle and the engravement of 'To cherish & love- Akashi Tetsuya'

"5 years ago,"

"6 years." Tetsuya insisted.

"Was not really marriage but it's not too late to start now." He kissed his wife's hand. "I love you, Tetsuya."

"I love you too, baka Sei-kun."

0.

5 weeks later and they were back at the marriage counsellor's office.

"We redecorated the rooms in the house, changed our cooking stlyes and went to a lot of vacations and took jobs together." Smiled Tetsuya as he explained to the consellor of their newly found rekindled relationship.

"Anything to make him happy." Chuckled Seijuro before giving a kiss to his wife's forehead.

The counselor smiled at the once again couple in front of him, sitting blissfully on the loveseat in front of him. He just couldn't put a finger on it on why they had bandages and bruises almost every part of their body despite the casual clothes covering it. "Well, don't go telling me that your way of rekindling your relationship involved a shoot-out." The counselor joked and the two flinched.

They remember arming themselves with weapons and in perfect sync; they had taken out their enemies on in an abandoned department store as to seeing they are considered a deadly duo threat. Yet of course, they won and is now travelling to random places to an endless war against their ex-employers.

"Moving that aside, might I ask you of your sex life?"  
>"Like a scale of 1-10 again?" asked Tetsuya and the counsellor nodded.<p>

They looked at each other before nodding and holding hands, proudly showing their rings.

"Ten." They answered together.


	2. BONUS (HOW THEY MET)

**PREQUEL **

"When I first met you, you were like Christmas morning." Says Seijuro to his wife before lovingly stroking those teal locks. "Now you."

"It's embarrassing." The teal heal complained but the taller man persisted. "Fine. To me, when I first met you, you were the most beautiful man I've ever seen. Like seeing all of perfection in a one person."

Akashi Seijuro sighed for the umpteenth time this day. Not only was he forced to take on a mission in Spain but is now forced to stay in Spain due to the flights being cancelled for suspicious reasons. He drank his liquor with a gulp and glared at the girls squealing in delight at his sight. 'Someone, somebody or anything please get me out of here.' He thought and as if the heavens heard his prayers; a group of police barged in the lobby of the hotel. They began to search through random tourists walking by.

**"This is Spanish lunch time rush!"** exclaimed what seems to be an American-Japanese red head looking baffled as the police rudely searched him, talking in an interrogating manner at the same time.

"**Disculpe, lo que parece estar sucediendo? **(Excuse me, what seems to be happening here?)**" **Seijuro asks the bartender and the old man sighed.

"**Algunos turistas lanzó una barracuda **(Some tourist shot a barracuda)." He replied and Akashi nearly choked his drink. They're suspending their flights for an idiot who shot a fish? Well shooting a fish seems sort of…

"Oi Kuroko! Help me out here!" the red head yelled into air. Air? Seijuro squinted clearly and was shocked to see a shorter boy looking bored while sipping on a plastic cup. 'How long has he been there?' Seijuro mused, as the latter seemed to have escaped his Emperor eye.

"Sorry but it's too troublesome." He says, clearly oriental. His presence was once again fading as he escapes the police and then… for a brief moment, their eyes met.

They were glassy in shades and hues of aquamarine blue whilst contrasting his short teal locks. He was shorter than him for a few meters and had pale skin which highlighted his beauty. Akashi Seijuro was… captivated.

For the shorter male named Kuroko Tetsuya, the latter in front of him was a sight of perfection. Blazing red hair and heterochromatic eyes complementing the pastel dress shirt he wore. His feet unknowingly walked towards him but the cops who had finally noticed the teal head immediately surrounded him. Seijuro knew they were questioning and demanding his passport and ID's and obviously the teal head was confuse.

Out of instinct; he walked towards the male and grabbed him by his waist, clearing a path away from the police. "**Él está conmigo. **(He's with me)" he warded them away.

"Oi Kuroko! You bastard, don't leave me here with them!" his companion continued to yell as they no search his pockets.

"**Gambatte** (Do your best), Kagami-kun." The teal head looked back with a blank face and followed the stranger.

"OI!"

LOCK.

"Sigh, that was close."

"You're Japanese?" ask Tetsuya, once the coast was clear. They were currently in a private room away from the cops.

"Yes, I am. It appears you were also caught up as one of the overstaying tourists due to a shooting incident… with a fish that it."

The shorter boy laughed and Seijuro swore he heard the angel's choir. "Yes, it appears I am. I'm Kuroko Tetsuya."

"Akashi Seijuro." They shook hands and Tetsuya swore that his newly found friend gripped a little tighter than he's supposed to. A little.

"What do you say for diner with me tonight?" Seijuro offered, smirking seductively.

"For someone who just saved my life, who am I to say no?"

* * *

><p>His pale legs were caressed by this desperate ash head murderer with his tongue. Tetsuya tried his best not to cringe and look likes the willing puppet he's supposed to act. He elated a soft moan and fake blush, turning the older man on.<p>

Haizaki Shougo. 27.

Case of human trafficking, drug distribution and violence throughout Madrid.

Within 48 hours, Agent Kuroko Tetsuya of Seirin Co. had been sent to eliminate him permanently. As the man seemed to Japanese and has a case of S & M relationship with young boys, Tetsuya was forced disguise himself in a white kimono as an underage prostitute (payback from Taiga) and was the worst idea ever. He was definitely getting chills from this man. Never less his façade didn't drop…yet.

"So, what business brings you to Madrid?" Tetsuya asks out of the blue, exposing more skin from his chest. Shougo however laughed before biting harshly at the exposed skin. "Nothing of your business." He says before pinning him down. Now Tetsuya was becoming more impatient. They had started this Q&A awhile back and he is NOT losing more clothes for this stupid ash head to beat around the bush.

"Don't give me that face, whore." He says before biting more. "Besides, drug delivery from the underworld isn't really something you'd get yourself involve in."

Bingo.

"Thank you for the information, you retarded white crow." Says Tetsuya. The façade finally dropped and aquamarine eyes turned deadly. "But if I don't kill you, I'll be late for my date."

"What the-?!"

CRACK

His legs reached the target's neck and he skillfully twisted it in an obscure angle; Haizaki Shougo was dead. Tetsuya sighed and reached for his phone to be greeted by the sight of Taiga holding fits of his laughter.

"Pfft. I got the whole thing recorded, Kuroko." He says. "And date? Hahahahah! You sound like a freaking school girl! If it wasn't for that kimono-

Taiga was silenced by the deadly glare Tetsuya emitted. "A-a-anyway. Take care!"

He sighed, hoping this Akashi Seijuro won't mind him being late just a little bit.

* * *

><p>"I'll definitely kill you, Chihiro." Says Seijuro to himself before entering the said building.<p>

"Don't go pointing fingers on your senior, Akashi." Says the silver head agent of Rakuzan Co. on Seijuro's phone screen. "Boss call the shots. And since you're still in Madrid, might as well make yourself useful with a new mission. Or are you piss that you'll be late on your da-" the redhead cut him off with a flick of his phone, muttering profanities.

His guns were all used up during the last mission since it was a shootout and buying here would take up too much time with license. He had to put up with… a scissor. Pray tell the gods his senior won't tell the other members.

"Hello, mind if I play poker with you guys?" he says casually to a group of gruff men. They eyed him and warded him off but the cash he dumped on their table, they let him.

Being known for his emperor eye and the displeasure marked on his enemies face. "Royal Flush" and thus was the finale and everyone eyed him in baffled amusement.

"You're awesome, kid." Says one, pushing the betted money. "What do you say for another round-

They were cut off when someone opened the door all of the sudden, looking pissed. "Oh, and who might this kid be? What's your job around here?" he asked.

Seijuro smiled wickedly and looked at him with crazed eyes. "You're the job."

And so in that metallic room; gunshots echoed for a full minute. Seijuro hoped that his teal head date won't mind running a bit late. A bit.

* * *

><p>"I must apologize for not meeting your expectations, Tetsuya." The red head starts as they sit in the outside a small garden restaurant. He had reserved a five class place to dine in but due to the strict time schedule, it got cancelled. "I don't mind, Akashi-kun." he says, tugging into Seijuro sleeves, who seemed to have been scowling the whole time. "I actually get uncomfortable with extravagant places so this is the best I could ask for."<p>

He wasn't lying, he was genuine. "Then I will make up for it."

It wasn't rare in Spain to have ghetto parties and random dancing at night which made tourist feel all of their merrymaking and hospitality. But as soon as the music and dancing came; even Seijuro who hated noise was enjoying himself over the sweet grape wine and Tetsuya to the salad. Not long after, the pair got tipsy and Seijuro started to drag Tetsuya to the dance floor.

The nightlights dazzled around the teal head's movements and Seijuro couldn't help but to be captivated more. He spun him, swayed with him and held him close. Both males could not care less of their drunkenness or the fact they have had met just today. On instincts, they knew they were somewhat meant to be. Some time that night, it began to rain yet the pair could not care less. The soothing droplets were their music and they continued to dance slowly.

"You are a very interesting fellow, Tetsuya." Seijuro says, bring one pale hand to his lips. "I just can't bring myself to think of a moment from now on without you."

The shorter boy chuckled, leaning his head unto the red head's chest to hear his heartbeat. "Really Akashi-kun? I'm just a fellow to you?" heterochromatic eyes widened as he did not miss the seductive tone he used.

"Boyfriend?"

Tetsuya laughed more and Seijuro growled. "Lover?"

"But Sei-kun, we barely know each other." The use of his name baffled him.

"I know per fact that you live with your dog who looks very much like you in Tokyo working as an engineer in Seirin Co. and that your favorite drink is vanilla milkshake. Your 21, born at the 31st of January and is an Aquarius, which by the way suits you very much." His hands travelled on both sides of Tetsuya's waist. "Another fun fact is that you caught the attention of this person who yearned for someone to break his routine of this boring world. Still think we're strangers?"

"Hai." A stab to his heart.

"Then why call me by my first name all of the sudden, Tetsuya?" he wasn't going to lose his cool though. The teal head looked up and gazed unto his eyes with anticipation. "Because it sounded right. Akashi Seijuro, you live with your father in Kyoto who is also the owner of Rakuzan Co. where you currently work as an architect. Your favorite food is tofu soup and you seem to dislike seaweeds a lot." His breath was an inch closer to him. "Most of all, you got my attention. Someone who has incredibly weak presence who can barely has anyone glance up to him-

"Don't say that about yourself."

"But you made a difference and it made me so happy." He smiled genuinely. "I think I'm in love with you."

The red head chuckled. This teal head was truly a ball of interesting mishaps. "Lovers it is then." Tetsuya faked pouted. "But isn't wife more appropriate?"

Seijuro was once again baffled. He wasn't able to hide his blush anymore, earning a smirk from Tetsuya. Well, two can play at that game. The red head closed the gap between their mouths and their lips clashed. It wasn't the gentle first kiss Tetsuya had thought about. It was harsh yet passionate and feverish. Tongues clashing in dominance; tasting each other and holding in whatever heat was emitting in their insides while the cold droplets of the rain drown it out.

"Marrying you will never make my life boring." Seijuro says in between the kisses.

"Then shut up and put a ring on it."


End file.
